»» The warning signals of the neglect of our boys has never been whistle clear as they are today. It is easy to shift the blame to someone when things go sour, but I think all this cold violence against women we are witnessing in our country begs a simple question. How do we raise our boys in comparison to the way we raise our girls? Have we evolved what it means to be a man in our contemporary society the same way we have evolved the idea of a woman as an identity? To a certain extent in our effort to socially redress the role of women and achieve gender equality we have tended to give attention to our girls. Boys are neglected and are expected to grow into men who will love and protect our sisters, daughters and mothers as well as their sons, brothers and fathers ««

»» Today all genders are declared equal, however, it is the foundation upon which each gender or identity is nurtured that is of primary importance otherwise the picture will continue to ferment with cold violence. It starts with attaching the same values to boys and girls equally when they make their entry into this world. I believe that by attaching the same values to men and women equally we can make strides as a nation.

Our contemporary society should get rid of old expectations that frames men into superhuman beings; men don’t cry, men must be tough, men don’t moan and must provide for women and children. So much expectations is placed on men and this is ingrained in our social fabric. When a man does not meet these constructed expectations of what a man is, the society brands him a weakling. Of course, you might counter argue and invert all that I have just said now into what is expected of women in traditionally sense. You will be missing the point. I am talking about men and the psychological burden that has continued to haunt us even though women are being given a discursive space that reevaluates their position continuously. There is support for women.

»» Our society should evenly and mercilessly flatten the surface of expectations between men and women. We now need to evolve the relationship and the meaning between the genders, ‘men’ and ‘women’ beyond that of traditional expectations or constructs. A glimmer of hope will emerge from a revolutionary shockwave caused by this rethink of neo gender construction. Such a shockwave would send ripples throughout world cultures founded on the myth built around masculinity and all that is attached to it. What could emerge will be a different mindset that requires an update of expectations and their management as far as both genders are concerned socially and relationally.

In such a setting, when violation and violence against women arises then we can isolate the cause to of a relationship between two people. Generalization will not die but will be muted as the playing field of cause and effect are levelled and evaluated equally. A different but better society will start to emerge•

Autumn

18 May

© Mmutle Arthur Kgokong 2017

[updated 29 August 2025]

~Authors note~
*A lot hasn’t changed since I wrote this piece. Written as a response to the scourge of the horrific violence that our country was experiencing as murder rate and domestic violence that women were subjected rose, it is an opinion piece of a piecemeal solution that could be instituted in order to deal with the horrific period our country found itself in at the time. Nearly a decade since the penning of this article not much change has happened. Although there have been awareness campaigns to deal with this, permit me to use a word that has been thrown into the discourse, pandemic. Which now has pulled the abuse of children into the web. I still hold to the believe I expressed in this short essay. Our gender roles and rearing need parity from the onset. We have to be the change we would love to see.