I am writing this article somewhere in a hide away plek so that my Jotmaster is not able to locate me with the radar of his hover craft, Theta. He had since thrown a challenge at me to come up with writing that could tackle the word ‘allude’. It’s a long boring story the details of which will bore your teeth to the grind gum with agony. Besides the mere allusion to that episode of my life is merely presently serving as an opener as I humble myself before your magnificent throne.
Anyways, why I am writing to you?… oh yes… you see I am a family man and over a decade or so after trading off my bachelor’s privileges for a joint journey in this world I have constantly been subjected to soapies, popayes (what you will call cartoons in your sophisticated corridors) as well as an array of action movies the advertising of which has this thick deep voice over that has everyone convinced and misled that the movie has just came out of the movie circuit. I am not really a fan of the box – what you call TV that is, but with family comes great responsibility and I suppose commitment: Like looking at your spouse favourite television program while battling off a good dosage of sleep due to boredom. I am more of an adventure type of an oukie – give me soccer and I am somewhat happy, but I have a heavy penchant for motorsport; I hope my beer gut does not serve as a hurdle for you to take me serious if you were to meet me in person. I’ve long ago given up on your boxing offering though, because no boxing is ever on anymore, you remember Friday night fights? of course you do – blow by blow. You scrapped them off an eon ago. They are now folded and packed away in the closet of melancholia of you archives. But because you at least gave me Raitlwana and his zombie Lesilo I forgive you, but I have not forgotten. I have covertly changed lanes just to get a pounding dose in your adversary’s offerings because nothing was on by you. Naming people can be expensive so you can play piki-piki on that one. You get my hint moes?
In some way following this gingerly articulated passage above, you can see that I have been loyal to you. loyal to the point that when my revelation of turning things around in your firm hit me it was like a long prolonged sneeze which reliefs the tense temples of an average mjita. Finally, and I hope you are with me thus far, we arrive at the spine of my writing to you: I have followed faithfully the adventures of Bafana Bafana and marveled at their short lived survival in their Afcon outing. But your picture quality is a down grader, man, it is like a pacifier to a baby who has reached enlightenment and keeps tonguing it out! I wish to the spirits that very soon you will start to roll out the set tops boxes promised to us prior to the adventures of Bafana Bafana in the world cup and its prequels and deliver us to the promised land of picture clarity even if it’s not pristine HD. But let’s move on and focus on the positives. I must wag a warning finger here that this positivity relies very much on the roll out of the set top box. (an aside: hey there is a new rumour doing the jitterbug that it’s as sure as sunshine that the set top boxes will be rolled out soon – isn’t that wonderful?). Until then it’s a banana guess game for South Africans. You can trial test one of the ideas I have for you so long since you are famous for taking time to deliver on you mandate. Here are my smaller-nyana ideas for you to tiff-tuff around in order to get a spin on your channels when you go the dish route:
You can move all your sports offerings here. Don’t worry about re-runs or repeat broadcasting – they are in vogue. Re-runs or repeat broadcasting help those who missed out on a programing to catch up. For your general information the PVR was invented to assist people who are ultra busy to command their television viewing experience. For the time being you don’t have to worry about mogoes who misses premiers.
SABC Classic (Tooke Af)
I’ll be short here. All the programs that you air on Friday nights can be shifted to this channel. The dramas from the 80’s and 90’s. By the way I am committed to this block, for some weird reason it titillates my penchant for nostalgia.
Here is an opportunity for you to combine modern day cartoons with old classic ones. Offering them in all of our official languages will help restore faith in our languages in the minds of our youth.
Now who cares about the news? Perhaps some of us who worry about the future. Having a separate news television channel will ease the stress on people who avoid the world stress – because that is what the news are. Face it, seldom heart warming stories make it to the television news and if they do they are at the tail of the news.
These are my ideas to you. Scot free. You don’t have to use them if you find them silly and unfeasible. If you do though, you don’t have to pay me or acknowledge me, its OK- I am just performing my civic duties. Consider these ideas as a donation to your organisation, a sign of patriotism from yours truly.
© Mmutle Arthur Kgokong 2013